I cried for most of that day. I had plans to meet friends for dinner but for once, I didn’t want to see anyone. Normally my friends were my sanctuary from the instability of my home life. On this day however, I was emotionally worn out. Forcing myself to get ready to go, I remember consciously picking out my cheeriest top as if it would help me fake happiness.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I waited outside for my friends, while fighting the urge to go home. I didn’t realize My Love was inside watching me – my ass, that is.
My mind was put at ease when my friends arrived. The familiarity of them comforted me. My friend, who I will not name, went in the door with me. She immediately spotted My Love and invited him to join us. At the time, I had no idea he dreaded the thought. You see, he thought I was a cold-hearted bitch based on someone else’s opinion. Reluctantly though, he did join us. He brought his dinner to our table, ate without looking up and kept looking at his phone. He barely spoke. I, in turn, talked as if he wasn’t there. The last thing I needed was a man so I barely paid him any attention.
When our meals arrived, he had already finished his but jokingly asked if we were going to eat in front of him. Without thinking (not unusual for me), I looked at my plate, quickly thinking of what I could offer him, and blurted out, “You can dip your chip in my guacamole.” We still giggle about that.
He listened to me talk about the ending of my marriage. There was a brief moment when we locked eyes. We believe we had a simple moment of mutual understanding. That moment was the beginning of what would become an amazing connection between us. No words needed to be spoken. Both of us were in empty marriages and could understand the loneliness of each other’s life.
When he got up to leave, I remember feeling sad he was leaving. I didn’t analyze the thought but merely tucked it away to think about later. Later came shortly after I got home that night. I went on Facebook to find a friend request from him. I was truly flattered. He didn’t really leave.